Woman, Be Happier!

How often do you indulge in doomsday thinking? I’m sure you know how this works.

You get a lower grade on a test than you were expecting, such as a C instead of an A, and suddenly the realization dawns on you that you are stupid. In fact, you have been stupid all along and somehow failed to notice it until just now, probably because you are too stupid. Naturally you are going to fail the class, which will cause you to get chucked out of school completely. Then of course you will never be able to qualify for any job, being the stupid dropout that you are. You will end up as a homeless lady pushing an abandoned shopping cart full of salvaged bits of soggy cardboard, sleeping on a park bench with 27 stray cats, where you will die alone of alcoholism and exposure.

Doomsday by Flickr user Kevin Creative Commons Attribution license

Back up that train of doom, sister!

Dreamsday Thinking Is Your Ticket Out

You are already an expert at taking a small incident, extrapolating and exaggerating the heck out of it in a negative way, until a tiny mistake or problem has become a looming black monster of inevitable doom.

Now just turn around and do the same thing, but in a positive direction. Imagine the hurtling train of inevitability that will lead you from one good thing to the next, until you arrive at happiness and success beyond your wildest dreams–except this time, your dreams will encompass that glorious outcome.

But That’s Crazy

Note that I am not saying that terrible things never happen to people, or that if only you keep a positive attitude, they will never happen to you. What I am saying is that life never moves in a straight line in one direction, all good or all bad. If you are going to exaggerate things in an unrealistically negative way and make yourself feel worse than you already do, why not try exaggerating in a positive way to cheer yourself up instead?

You get a C instead of an A on a test. Then imagine that the wakeup call is going to prompt you to study as hard as you can for the next test, earn extra credit, and get an A plus on the final exam. Your teacher will nominate you for a scholarship to an exclusive graduate program for geniuses at an Ivy League university, all expenses paid of course. You will become a brilliant writer and publish a bestselling novel, which will be published in 37 languages and optioned for a Hollywood blockbuster film, making you rich and famous. The two handsome movie stars you have crushes on will both ask you out, and you will marry one of them and live happily ever after on a luxurious yacht, cruising between your two private islands in the Caribbean and the South Pacific.

Of course that’s crazy. That’s not going to happen, is it? But isn’t the doomsday version just as unlikely? Reality will surely be somewhere in the middle, something more mundane with ups and downs, and not all one direction for the rest of your life. And don’t you think you will have more chances to make choices that will have an effect on your future, as life goes along?

If you can’t quite see the absurdity in your negative scenario yet, then try making it even worse in your mind, until it is so bad that it seems ridiculously cartoonish and makes you laugh. Then entertain yourself with a dreamsday fantasy, and let yourself believe in it as much as you were falling under the spell of the negative story. Then tell your friends your new positive plan, and make them smile with you.

Pumpkins by Flickr user nostinkinhedges305 Creative Commons Attribution license

Cinderella Sounded Crazy, Too

Talking over coffee with another maid on their monthly day off:

“Hi hon, it’s good to see you.”

“My employers are slave drivers. I’m going to get arthritis in my back from bending over their fireplaces to shovel all those ashes. How are the steps treating you?”

“Worse than usual, now that they’re trying to make themselves beautiful for the Prince’s Ball.”

“Ha! As if! Good luck there. Don’t you hate them? I would want to run away if I were you. I don’t know how you stand it.”

“Nah, I feel sorry for them. They’re so unhappy. Here’s what I’m going to do: First, I will talk one of the Prince’s footmen into inviting me to the Ball when he comes around to do the courtly fol-de-rol with the steps. Then I am going to turn this ash-stained, ugly maid’s uniform into a silk and lace ballgown, one of them fancy ones with bows and sequins and–and petticoats!” She giggles.

“Ha ha, you would look fab. But your uniform is a long way from that–you’d never manage that unless by magic or something.” Her friend shakes her head at the absurdity.

“Then I’ll–then I’ll be visited by a, a magic person! My Fairy Godmother, that’s who! She’ll pop in from nowhere, wave a magic wand and take care of the clothes AND the transportation. You know that rotting pumpkin on the porch, left over from Halloween, that I still need to clean up? Carriage! And those mice in the pantry I need to trap? Horses! And then I’m going to arrive at the Ball in grand style, make a fashionably late red carpet entrance, dance with Mr. Crown Prince Himself, and he will become smitten with me! You’ll see–we’ll be married next week. And when the King is dead, long live the King, I will be QUEEN of this country, so you better start practicing your curtsy, girlfriend!”

They both dissolve into laughter–see how that works?

Of course we all know that Cinderella is being COMPLETELY irrational, because there’s no way ANY of those things are really going to happen to her.

Or are they?

Please comment and share your own Doomsday and Dreamsday scenarios.